How to be a Reality Show Contestant

There are reality shows, and there are 'oh really?' shows. Whether it is IPL, India TV or Big Boss, the TRP meters of channels go on mass orgies while we all relish it on our Tata Sky HDs and Samsung LEDs. Also, the participants of the 'oh really?' shows rake in the moolah as well as the er, muaah. Ever wondered what are the qualities that really set these people apart from us mere mortals? Well, here are some parameters that may act critical in putting that reality show contestant tag on someone.

1. Make promises to go nude in public, and make sure it's during a sporting event, preferably the World Cup.  That way, you can also be more talked about in social media rather than tentacled creatures, and also have no slip between the cup (the non-crockery variety) and the lip.

2. Have a mouth that is fouler than thou, and make sure you have the right body dimensions like a certain Ms Bindra to ensure you make the right kind of noises, literally.

3. Have a glowing criminal record, you could be a two-penny thief or a multi-crore scamster, but you should have the ability to go on a hunger strike against honesty, if required.

4. Be a gangster's or a foreign cricketer's girlfriend, and if you are a foreign national yourself, you are assured of a promising career in Bollywood as well.

5. Be a wife beater, and have the ability to act like a perpetual fit for rehab candidate when the camera focuses on you.

6. Be from North India, preferably from Punjab, or more preferably from Chandigarh. Thus, the butter chicken and Scotch whisky in your veins can withstand fire-breathing bald judges.

7. Be an aspiring model (mostly applies for the fairer sex), and have the ability to slap your fellow contestants at will, and have extended cat-fights, if necessary.

8. Be the winner/runners-up of another reality show - guarantees you double fame, doesn't it?

9. Be the relative of a filmstar, and make sure the actor who you are a relative of is now unknown himself/herself as well.

10. Be a lover who's been cheated upon and is ready to take the pants off the ex in public view (if not any of the above, this will definitely grab you some eyeballs).

As new seasons of more reality shows and cricket matches with pom-pom girls, there may be many more additions to the list.