The Big Dabangg Theory

A few days ago, a great man known as Stephen Hawking said: 'God did not create the Universe.' All media, and more so social media, was quick to pick it up, though overall many might have been saying secretly: 'Dude, what's so new about that?'. Well, that statement, like many others made by other great men and women only drives the home the point, its not the words that matter, its their source which does.



This week, many fans of the man with the Black Buck-belt, Salman Khan, (to be addressed affectionately as Sir Chulbul Pandey for the time being) flocked to movie theatres to catch his antics in Dabangg. The amount of hype and attention surrounding this movie was not so much that a certain lady whose father could blow off villains with his 'Khamosh!' was making her debut, but for the fact that this movie apparently reinforces the fact stated in the above paragraph, if you go by the  dialogue: 'Tum mein itne chhed karenge, ke saans loge kahin se aur paadoge kahin se.' I confess to not watching the movie, so I may have faltered with the words a bit, and neither is what you are going to read further a review or an attempt to use the movie as a benchmark to state a high or low-brow theory. But going by the response of social media users, I feel obliged to state The Big Dabangg Theory, more in terms of a general perception on entertainment and life in general.

According to The Big Dabangg Theory, the universe is perenially in a very hot and dense state of intellectual masturbation, but tends to cool down at times with humorous farts (yes as physics defying as it may sound). With the brief men/women-o-pauses, the universe continues to expand. But the twist in the tale is that these tiny farts stimulate in the expansion, which enables the intellectual masturbation to go on smoothly. Who are the ones who lead the charge of the intellectual nymphomaniacs? Opinions could vary from Arundhati Roy to Naomi Klein, but since it's the humorous farts which contribute more to the uninterrupted flow of the mental coitus, it's these personalities/entities who matter a lot. A few who prove this postulate correct are as follows (you are free to contribute more to the list or create your own):

1. Govinda: Be it his kitschy costumes or zany dance moves - this man will manage a laugh out of even a Angela Merkel at a crisis summit. And needless to say, slapstick humour as we know it can trace some of its bilogical fatherhood to him.



2. Rakhi Sawant: Again, mindlessness as we know in the cyber silicone age, is a big offshoot of her acts. In fact, do not be surprised Ms Sawant claims to be the bastard child of Stephen Hawking one day. PS: some newspapers/TV channels are already waiting for such a moment.



3. Robert Pattinson: Why him? Well, not due to the fact that he can wait for 117 years to romance a high school girl, but he (or Edward Cullen rather) reinforces the fact there is some justification in having products like Fair & Handsome in the market (though I may hear you smorting in disapproval).



4. Lady GaGa: Mark my words: she will design the spacesuit of the future



5. Bill Gates & Steve Jobs: The reason why these two come at bottom is that they have been a part of an intellectual orgasm of a different kind: freedom to think out of the Windows and the ability to make you and me, and just i, a part of the tech universe. Their actions have stimulated this in a reverse manner, of course (lest a debate on on coding starts here).

What was I thinking while writing this? Well, mostly nothing, as most people who have seen Dabangg have felt. But like my earlier blog posts, the message is the same this time: laughter makes the world go round (if it did make you laugh that is). Think when you have to, and have fun because you need to - something which is, 'fascinating' in the words of Dr Sheldon Cooper.