Five Ways Social Networking Can Make You Unsocial

Love being a Twitterati, don't you? Also, keep checking every minute on who has 'liked' or posted some smart comment on that party snap of yours in Facebook? Well, the good news is: you are a celebrity in the virtual networking sphere. The bad news: your reallity rating points (RRPs) are going down abysmally, here's how:

1. Speak the TW language: tweet so much that you prefix 'tw' to anything and everything that you do - you have your tweakfast, you drive to twork and then come back twome. And you start resembling a distant cousin of Jadoo of Koi Mila Gaya fame.

2. Tweet about whatever you do: urban legend has it that a good soul had programmed his bed to tweet about whatever he was doing to his dearest wife. Well, that may be some way off but then, when SRK tweets from his shower, you also want to do so - just that you forgot to notice the water in your shower ran out whilst thou were tweeting.

3. Sticky fingers on the laptop/iPhone/BlackBerry - those who thought QWERTY was an ice-cream flavour a while back are now adept at hoptyping their way to virtual stardom. Well, only that they forget real life is not always WYISWYG (what you see is what you get)

4. Honey, I got so drunk last night - really? Yes, your boss saw those vodka vein pictures on Facebook too - and now...

5. Highly likely - this does not do much damage, save that you end up 'liking' Osama & Obama on Facebook at the same time

Disclaimer: this post may only look like the warning on cigarette packets. But hey, social networking is not an evil after all - the author of this post being a firm believer in this statement. Neither do these words prove the author is not guilty of any of the sins above - so consider this as loud thinking and nothing else!

Five Ways To Have More Fun On Twitter

Tweet, tweet - you tweet, I tweet, SRT tweet & SRK tweet. Never thought 140 characters could change the world around you? Or you still don't think so? Well, here is an attempt to make Twitter change the world (well, yeah, almost)

1. Don't name each and every update a 'tweet' - well, tweets can unsetlle so many crowns as we have seen. So, when an update does not sound so pleasant, why call it a 'tweet'. So, Messrs Stone, Williams & Dorsey - why not start naming those potentially explosive updates as 'breaking tweet' or 'kaboom tweet' maybe??

2. Have music with the emoticons & #nowplaying hashtags - the use of emoticons has really exploded with the advent of  Twitter (barring IM clients of course) - you need to say so much in so l:/ttl:e). So, why not add some ringtone/caller tune style notes to make you feel Twitter can also gel with the real world. Also, since #nowplaying remains one of the top trending topics at any moment of the day/night, why not have a music search engine sensor (or a blip.fm add-on) to play a preview of that clip for your followers to enjoy the music and not dance to it in their imaginations only?

3. Have the celebs linked to Promoted Tweets - celebs sell themselves in virtual world, so why not have their real-life endorsements on Twitter via Promoted Tweets as well. So, maybe a grinning MSD egging you to be 'dillogical' with Lays chips or SRK giving you the summer chiller tips with Navratna cool talc. Would make more sense and give us some real entertainment than their bed & breakfast tweets, no?

4. Have a Twitter Esperanto - with every social network comes its own language code. For Twitter, it has not been any different - only that the 140 game has given it a twist, what with the #GGs. So, with this melting pot in place, why not try and have an Esperanto for Twitter too? Whr u cn sy nthng u wnt 2 IMH

5. Have a Twitter sanctuary - whales are endangered creatures (though I can't give an exact count of how many are left, unlike tigers). So, please act reponsibly Twitter - don't let them loose to fill in the show when your servers go down. Believe in CSR - have Twitter sanctuary for the fail whales. The downtime message should then look like this: 'We are working on the issue, in the meantime, why don't you take a tour around our sanctuary and visit the whales we are breeding?'

If you have endured all the five points, then congratualtions - you (like your truly) - do believe that Twitter can change the world, truly!

How to be an Indian hunk within Rs 500

Still waiting for that college PYT to for the movie show? Or, haven't mustered enough courage to even say hi to the office chick? And the that 'hunk' stealing all your would-be thunder right under your nose? Well, is it because he is the resident room freshener, drives that SUV and has a swagger that will put even George Clooney to shame? Well, you have not lost your chances yet. Here's a quick guide to how you can be an Indian with your pocket being pinched for less than Rs 500:

1. Axe/Set Wet Deoderant: topmost on the list because this will have women/girls/ladies of all shapes and sizes running towards you - Rs 160

2. Emami Fair & Handsome - all the 'cute' ones will treat you like their male alter ego - Rs 5 (chhota pack)

3. Dollar Club underwear you can fight the bad guys even with your eyes closed - Rs 150

4. Close-up toothpaste - you can keep laughing with your lady without embarrassment - Rs 50

5. Start motivating yourself by calling yourself on the phone - does not require money but some imagination - and say this to yourself at least a dozen times - "I'm not a loser"

6. With the change, treat your lady to streetfood and sit together on the river/seafront - this is a tried and tested formula

I added the last point since it's not so bad to have that experience after all, even if your means to that end differ.

(Prices are as accurate as possible)

A scribble review of iPad

Well, the iPad is here in India - in exclusivity at least. For those of you who think its an oversized iPhone or iPod touch, you may have had your share of finding worms in the Apple. For those of you who are more than impatient to lay your hands on it, well, there is no denying that this device has design and a user interface that is unmatched to date. You may have read better reviews earlier, but this is completely user-generated so I hope you find something of use in here. I'll just go through the basic specs and my take on them -

Pros -

Size and weight

Height: 9.56 inches (242.8 mm)

Width: 7.47 inches (189.7 mm)

Depth:0.5 inch (13.4 mm)

Weight:1.5 pounds (0.68 kg) Wi-Fi model;1.6 pounds (0.73 kg) Wi-Fi + 3G model

My take: This is a big plus for those who like to carry their e-world with them. Big thumbs up.

Display

• 9.7-inch (diagonal) LED-backlit glossy widescreen Multi-Touch display with IPS technology


• 1024-by-768-pixel resolution at 132 pixels per inch (ppi)


• Fingerprint-resistant oleophobic coating


• Support for display of multiple languages and characters simultaneously

My take: Brings forward the iPhone & iPod rich display experience. Another thumbs up.

Sensors

• Accelerometer


• Ambient light sensor

My take: Not something to rave about but relief for those who like to read their news lying on the bed or play motion games.

Cons -

Capacity

• 16GB, 32GB, or 64GB flash drive

My take: Isn't it a computer we are talking about? I know iTunes can sing so much but if software is not your thing then why skip the basic hardware Mr Jobs? Thumbs down

Input and output

• Dock connector port

My take: I chose this feature only as this is the most glaring, and as Tina Fey would say in Date Night - 'the computer sticky thing' aka the USB port gets short shrift here with undue bias for the 30-pin dock connector port that Apple is so fond of, like iTunes. Great, but surely something as basic as this deserves your attention again Mr Jobs?

So, to sum it up, for the Mac, iPhone and iPod lovers, this is surely something to die for. For those who are gradually soaking in the Apple experience, well the jury is still out. With a number of cheaper alternatives in the tablet PC as well as netbook segment, the price-conscious Indian consumer does need a lot more convincing. Besides, on the software front, there are so many open-source projects competing for your attention which make you think twice before settling for style & design over utility. Even then, the product could turn out to be a gamechanger in ways more than one - as it does eliminate the need (so I feel) to go in for a separate ebook reader, gaming console and music player (even if the sceptics point out the  frequent bugs in iTunes) - which makes for an enriching multimedia experience. This comes from someone who enjoys watching his videos in superior format while commuting to work.  But, don't expect the iPad to replace your BlackBerry or high-power laptop anytime soon. And this comes from someone who enjoys his productivity with those mails flowing in seamlessly while on the move.

India price: (inclusive of taxes) 16GB : Rs 40,000, 32GB: Rs 50,000, 64GB: Rs 58,000

(all tech specs courtesy www.apple.com)

(bottom pic courtesy Aarti Krishnakumar)